If you’re raising a child with a partner, you’re pretty likely to have some differences of opinion about the right way and wrong way to approach the many issues that come along with parenting. How to discipline, breastfeeding or formula, free-range or attachment parenting, and a million other decisions need to be made between the two of you.
But it’s important to make those decisions together so that your little one gets a clear set of rules and expectations from both parents. Otherwise, it’s one set of rules for one parent and one set for the other, which is obviously confusing and frustrating for the child.
In today’s video, I have a few tips to help you communicate with your partner and agree on some compromises when it comes to your parenting approach, helping you both to present a united front when it comes to your little one.
– Hi, I’m Dana. Welcome to this weeks video.
One thing that I’ve learned in the 16 years that I’ve been a parent is how important it is that my husband and I are on the same page, we really need to parent as a united front and that means having some tough discussions sometimes.
So I get a lot of emails and I’ve had a lot recently from parents looking for my advice on how to get their partner on board when they start the Sleep Sense Program.
I think the first thing you really need to do is sit down and have a heart to heart, usually one parent is taking on the majority of the nighttime responsibility and often it’s mom but not always. So it’s important that you communicate to your partner how hard this has been for you.
I like to plot it on a scale from one to 10 and say you know one is no problem at all and 10 is a really serious problem and a lot of parents are finding this sleep challenge hitting about an eight to 10 on that scale and I know that if my partner came to me and said listen I have a problem that’s about a level nine I would be very motivated to help him solve that.
So being honest and there’s no shame in this. Sleep is a necessity, this is not a luxury item you’re not being selfish this is something that you absolutely need to feel healthy and happy and be functioning well throughout the day so it’s absolutely valid to say I am not coping well, I’m not doing so well with this lack of sleep.
So once you get your partner to really understand where you are in this process it’s also important to talk about your child we know that about from the six month mark onwards a baby’s biological body clock looks a lot like ours. So if your child is up two, five, 10 times a night you can be sure that on some level they are feeling the effects of that, that they’re not functioning as well as they should be either and even if it’s not noticeable it is still present.
The next important thing to do is to look at the plan together, make sure that you understand what do you do if you’re in the room, and what do I do if I’m in the room and just be clear that you’re both handling this the same way. If you offer careful touch, for how long and how much? And are they doing the same thing? Because you really want to meet your child in this process with consistency and have your response be exactly the same as your partners. And you know what it’s ultimately okay that you maybe don’t agree 100% on this there’s lots of times where I might not totally agree with my husband’s approach but because we are a team I’m gonna get on board anyway.
And sometimes I’m sure, although I never make mistakes, but I’m sure sometimes my husband thinks I don’t think she’s quite right on that one but he’s gonna support me anyway because again it’s so important to show up as that united front. So just open communication, really working together and ultimately this is for the greater good, this is for the wellness of the entire family and I promise you once your partner is getting better quality sleep your relationship’s gonna improve a lot.
Thanks for watching today. Sleep well.
If your baby, infant or toddler is having trouble sleeping through the night, help is just a click away! The Sleep Sense Program has helped over 57,00 parents to get their kids sleeping 11-12 hours through the night AND taking long, restful naps during the day. If you’re ready to get started today – I’m looking forward to helping you!